Be willing to be a beginner every single morning.--Meister Eckhart

Well, the end of 2007 comes to a close. Our beautiful baby is wriggling around but resolutely remaining inside so it looks as though 2008 will be our birth year. We are huddled in, wrapped in the warmth of the fire and of love, counting the many blessings in life.

This has been a hard and an incredible year, bringing the greatest of joys and the deepest of sadnesses. Through that journey, my heart has grown deeper in Love and found a certain peace in the quiet moments.

Poem, November 27th

There is a certain peace
that falls with grief:
the first hush of snow,
still life before the cold.
It strips us bare,
wraps us in its fold
singing whispers.

(Victoria Bennett, 2007)

And so, on these eve of turning points within our lives, I send to all of you a greeting of love and a wish that your coming days bless you with love, joy and the peace of knowing the truth of your own heart, and may the wonder of life continue to stop you in your daily routine and make you look again and rejoice, even when the heart is wounded.

I'll finish now with a well known Irish blessing - one that speaks to me of all we can wish for each other...

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
The rain fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

“Patience is not passive; on the contrary, it is active; it is concentrated strength” (E.G. Bulwer Lytton)

Adam and I, in front of the Christmas tree, December 28th 2007...baby still on the inside!

As you can see from this picture, the little soul within me has decided not to show just yet. Like me, it doesn't like to be hurried and has made it quite clear it will arrive in its own good time. The weather is frightful anyway, so who can blame it? Much nicer to be wrapped up warm and cosy in your own private womb. It is strange though - after so many months of fearing the baby arriving early and willing it to 'stay in', we now wait on edge for the signs of its awakening and whisper words of encouragement in the dark of the night.

Meanwhile, we are discovering new aspects to patience...which will certainly come in handy on those long nights to come.

The Eve of Christmas

Well, it is the eve of Christmas and the tree is up. I spent yesterday in the company of my family, treating my Mum and sisters to a day of pampering by Helen Bebbington (doula, homeopath, aromatherapist, masseuse, holistic hair stylist & beautician, producer of organic ethical beauty products, founder of Humanum holistic charity...and only 27 - is there no stopping her???). It was a fun day and it was good to see everyone laughing together. It is a strange time at the moment. We all miss Sue terribly and it feels difficult to enter the 'festive spirit' but at the same time, it feels important to celebrate the love and connections between us, and to celebrate the wonder and joy of life as well, made all the more clear by the impending birth of our baby.

After 9 months of journeying together, I feel ready. Not only has the nest been feathered and spruced up by Adam and Simon, but I have had the opportunity to rest, to be within myself and to prepare for this new life. People have said 'I bet you are impatient to get it out now!' but that is not the case. It has been an amazing journey that I have taken with this little soul - one that has taught me so much about love - through joy and through pain. It has taught me about vulnerability, about strength and opened my heart wider than I thought possible. And now we take the next part of the journey - where my baby and I journey through birth, through transition from togetherness to walking side by side. It scares me, yes. Sometimes recently I have woken with this terrible feeling that I am not pregnant any more, that somehow there will be no baby - a side effect of losing our last child in pregnancy, and also, perhaps, a way of preparing me for 'letting go'.

But mostly, I feel a calm sense of saying goodbye and giving thanks for the gift of the journey so far, and welcoming this strange voyage of coming into being through birth. The birth pool is filled, the candles lit and the car full of fuel to get me to the hospital if it comes now and there are no midwives!

Which given my online tarot today found in my Inbox...

The Eight of Wands

This card suggests that my power today lies in climax. It has all led up to this moment of anticipation and "there ain't no stopping it now."

well, who knows? Look out for the star...

and whatever you are doing this Christmas, light a candle and let the love in your heart connect to the love around the world. It can be a cruel and strange world at times, and it can hurt like hell, but it is full of magic and wonder too, that is tied into the human spirit.

Merry Christmas...

love Vik, Adam and the baby B

A very Jungle Book Christmas Baby

Click to Play

Yes It looks like Vik will give birth to a human baby any day now. I am checking the sky's for a stork hoping that this is really how it happens and the birth pool is just a place to keep the storks favorite food safe - like frogs and insects and apparently small mammals. But I know that the scans have shown a very human mammal wriggling inside Vik tum and the pronounce bump was hard to miss.

Have a Happy Christmas everyone and see you on the other side of the new year.