The Eve of Christmas

Well, it is the eve of Christmas and the tree is up. I spent yesterday in the company of my family, treating my Mum and sisters to a day of pampering by Helen Bebbington (doula, homeopath, aromatherapist, masseuse, holistic hair stylist & beautician, producer of organic ethical beauty products, founder of Humanum holistic charity...and only 27 - is there no stopping her???). It was a fun day and it was good to see everyone laughing together. It is a strange time at the moment. We all miss Sue terribly and it feels difficult to enter the 'festive spirit' but at the same time, it feels important to celebrate the love and connections between us, and to celebrate the wonder and joy of life as well, made all the more clear by the impending birth of our baby.

After 9 months of journeying together, I feel ready. Not only has the nest been feathered and spruced up by Adam and Simon, but I have had the opportunity to rest, to be within myself and to prepare for this new life. People have said 'I bet you are impatient to get it out now!' but that is not the case. It has been an amazing journey that I have taken with this little soul - one that has taught me so much about love - through joy and through pain. It has taught me about vulnerability, about strength and opened my heart wider than I thought possible. And now we take the next part of the journey - where my baby and I journey through birth, through transition from togetherness to walking side by side. It scares me, yes. Sometimes recently I have woken with this terrible feeling that I am not pregnant any more, that somehow there will be no baby - a side effect of losing our last child in pregnancy, and also, perhaps, a way of preparing me for 'letting go'.

But mostly, I feel a calm sense of saying goodbye and giving thanks for the gift of the journey so far, and welcoming this strange voyage of coming into being through birth. The birth pool is filled, the candles lit and the car full of fuel to get me to the hospital if it comes now and there are no midwives!

Which given my online tarot today found in my Inbox...

The Eight of Wands

This card suggests that my power today lies in climax. It has all led up to this moment of anticipation and "there ain't no stopping it now."

well, who knows? Look out for the star...

and whatever you are doing this Christmas, light a candle and let the love in your heart connect to the love around the world. It can be a cruel and strange world at times, and it can hurt like hell, but it is full of magic and wonder too, that is tied into the human spirit.

Merry Christmas...

love Vik, Adam and the baby B