Even a fool knows you can't touch the stars, but it won't keep the wise from trying.
Harry Anderson
Harry Anderson
The Fool's Path is largely directed by the freedom of the wind. Recently, I found myself having to wave goodbye to a couple of wonderful and exciting opportunities, opportunities I had worked hard towards and imagined to be the next step in my journey. This was not the case and, like many times before, I found myself having to step back and accept that my idea of the right direction may differ wildly to the twists and turns of the path I am actually on. This did not cause me to feel too sad. Yes, I felt deflated, but underneath that, I sensed that something else was in the wings, something I had yet to envisage.
A short while later, I came across an old journal entry, from my time at Crossbush Convent an in it I had written down my wish to travel to Assisi - both the birthplace of St. Francis and also a central point for the Troubadours. I called up Angela Dickson, and we both agreed that if we could manage it on our incredibly small budget, we would go. We also remembered that we had said to Brother Andre, a visiting Friar at the time, that we would one day travel to Assisi and perhaps meet him there!
That was a week ago. Since then, a number of wonderful things have happened, from the accidental email contact with a property owner turned spiritual healer and writer, who happened to have the same surname as me, that took us to talking, that led us to find a fantastic place to stay with CEFID - a Franciscan run centre in Assisi. On top of that, the only dates we could get ridiculously low flights from Liverpool took us to Assisi on 3rd October. St Francis died on 3rd October, the day we arrive and the Feast of St Francis, a major event in Assisi and in the Franciscan calendar, happens on 3/4/5th October. Not only that, but we are staying in the town the same time as a pilgrimage is being led by Brother Andre Cirino and Brother Murray Bodo - who have both been wonderful support in the production of Fragments, and the subsequent experience of TV exposure.
As a confirmed opposer of organised religion and a serious questionner of the Catholic Church, it might seem strange to have my life path tied into the path of St Francis, but it does not seem so to me. There was something in the words of Murray Bodo OFM, in his book St. Francis: The Journey and The Dream, that struck me when I read them for the first time in January, though I have different ideas about God and all...
"Francis determined always to be on the outside what he was on the inside...some of his brothers felt he overdid this obsession with sincerity and wholeness but Francis feared duplicity and hypocrisy more that anything in the world...and Francis was sure Jesus would never speak harshly against anything unless it spoiled the human heart...he prayed that God would give all people the courage to be themselves instead of what others expected them to be..."
Just as I had once declared my path as a Troubadour, so I felt connected with this eccentric, obsessive and incredible man and as I read more, I began to understand why. His path and mine, though very different, share threads of Love. It is all part of the same unfolding.
Like I said, I don't know where this journey is taking me - or rather, the understanding or meaning is always obscured in advance and relies simply on trust. I trust that for some reason I am meant to be in Assisi, with Angela, and at that time. If I had secured the previous work offer I had so wanted the week before, I would not have the opportunity to go.
Some people may regard this way of living as irresponsible, lacking committment, feckless. It is not. It requires a steady vision, trust, willingness to fall and fall again and get back up again, tenacity and a heart that is always willing to choose love over security, inspiration over acclaim, freedom over ownership. I do my best to live that way. Sometimes I manage it, sometimes I get caught up in being all too human.
The last few years have been tough to live through - and grief was thicker than the blood in my veins, but it is all part of the journey. It took going into a catholic Convent (bizarre! I wouldn't have predicted that one!) to accept again and celebrate my path as Blissfool. I have no idea where it will lead or why, but I trust that in releasing to that wind, that spirit and letting it flow, life unfolds as it is meant to, and all good surrounds.
All creative dreams become possible in such air.
2 comments:
St Francis sounds fascinating and not really Christian in the sense I usually associate with the church. I know he was a real person but is he based on any pagan archetypes like other saints are??
When I was a little girl my grandaprents visited Assisi many times and told me the story of St Francis. They gave me a tiny picture painted on wood, showing him feeding the birds. I always felt very close to him becasue he loved nature as much as I did and I have always wanted to visit Assisi, so I shall come with you as a slug! I don't know what happened to the picture, but I can still remember it in my mind.
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